x_-Noctis-_x hellafunny jokes thread.

[x_-Noctis-_X]

<table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" width="100%"><tbody><tr><td class="postbody" valign="top">Bad News & Good News

A secretary walked into her boss's office and said, "I'm afraid I've got some bad news for you."

"Why do you always have to give me bad news?" he complained. "Tell me some good news for once."

"Alright, here's some good news," said the secretary. "You're not sterile."

(For those who didn't understand, she meant she is pregnant)
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[x_-Noctis-_X]

<table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" width="100%"><tbody><tr><td class="postbody" valign="top">Going to heaven

A sunday school teacher saked her class, " Now little children which part of your body reaches heaven first?"

A little girl said " The HEad!! Cuz That is the top of the body"

Another boy said "The hands as God leads you to heaven"

The teacher smiled in approval just then a small boy said " the legs"

The teacher was stunned "How so?"

"Well I entered my sister's bedroom one night and her boyfriend was holding her down while she had her legs in the air and she was screaming 'OH GOD I'M COMMING!
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[x_-Noctis-_X]

Occupation

A woman walks into her accountant's office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes.

The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll need to ask a few questions."

He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, "What is your occupation?"

The woman replies, "I'm a wh0re."

The accountant balks and says, "No, no, no. That will never work.

That is much too crass. Let's try to rephrase that."

The woman, "Ok, I'm a prostitute."

"No, that is still too crude. Try again."

They both think for a minute, then the woman states, "I'm a chicken farmer."

The accountant asks, "What does chicken farming have to do with being a wh0re or a prostitute?"

"Well, I raised over 5,000 c0cks last year."

 

[x_-Noctis-_X]

<table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" width="100%"><tbody><tr><td class="postbody" valign="top">Raisin Bread is the Best

A bakery owner hires a young female clerk who likes to wear very short skirts and thong panties. One day a young man comes into the store, glances at the clerk and glances at the loaves of bread behind the counter. Noticing the length of her skirt (or lack thereof) and the location of the raisin bread - on the very top shelf - he politely says to the young woman, "I'd like some raisin bread, please."

She climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread, providing the young man with an excellent view, just as he surmised she would. When she comes down the ladder, he says he really should get two loaves as he is having company for dinner.

As the clerk retrieves the second loaf of bread, one of the other male customers notices what is going on. Thinking quickly, he orders a loaf of raisin bread so he can continue to enjoy the view. With each trip up the ladder, the young lady seems to catch the eye of another male customer. Pretty soon, each male customer is asking for raisin bread just to watch the young woman climb up and down.

After many trips, she is tired, irritated and thinking she is really going to have to try the raisin bread herself. Once again she is up the ladder retrieving a loaf of raisin bread for another male customer. She stops and fumes, glaring at the men below. She notices an elderly man standing among the crowd of males looking up at her who hasn't placed an order yet.

Thinking to save herself another trip up and down the ladder, she yells at the elderly man, "Is yours raisin, too?" "No," croaked the old man, "but it's a quiverin'..."
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[x_-Noctis-_X]

<table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" width="100%"><tbody><tr><td class="postbody" valign="top">Fart Profiles

Honest person - One who admits he farted but offers a good medical reason

Elegant person - One who farts discreetly

Amiable person - One who loves the smell of other people's fart.

Proud person - One who thinks his fart is exceptionally pleasant

shy person - One who farts then blushes

Impudent person - One who farts real loudly then laughs loudly too.

scientific person - One wo farts a lot but is worried about air pollution

boisterous person - One who farts louldy

Messy person - Farts and leaves a residue

Unfortunate person - Farts but ~love~ instead

Nervous person - One who stops in the middle of a fart

Vain person - One who loves the smell of his own fart

Dishonest person - One who farts and blames it on his dog.

Persistent person - One who just cant stop farting

Foolish Person - Guy who suppresses his farts for hours

Thrifty person - Farts in reserve

Anti-social person - Farts in private

strategic person - Farts but laughs to cover it up

Artistic person - One whose fart have flavour

Intellectual person - One who can determine who farted

Athletic person - Farts at the slightest exertion

Sadistic person - One who farts in bed then puts the bedsheet over his bedmate

Miserable person - One who truly enjoys farting but cant

Sensitive person - Farts then cry

Aquatic person - One who farts in the bath then burst the bubbles with his toe.
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