Joke of the Day Thread: THIS THE ONLY PLACE WHERE JOKES GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[DM Caveman]

A nun and priest are walking through the desert via camel back in the soaring 120 degree heat when all of a sudden the camel collapses. They both stare at each other in amazement as they ponder their next move when finnaly the priest comes up with ''sister were done for. but b-4 i die i have always wanted to see a womans body and all the glory she has to offer a man'' with no shame the nun replies'' father your absolutly right. me too have always wanted to see what a man has to offer a woman'' so they both start stripping down to the nitty gritty. when finnally the nun sees his pecker and asks the priest ''father what may i ask is that?'' the priest replies '' this my child is what gives life to all things'' so the nun replies '' well y dont u stick in that camels ass and lets get the fuck outta here''

 

[DM JackBauer]

There's a joke i heard.

There where Four men on a plane and they were carrying diffrent foods to match there religion so The Four men where. 1. a Russian man , 2. Chinese guy, 3.Scots man and number 4. Hawaiian guy, so they took off and then the pilot said there was too much cargo on board and they had to chuck stuff off so they started throwing things off.

The Hawaiian guy threw a fire stick which fell and got stuck in someone's eye.
Scottish Guy threw haggis and got stuck down someone's body and they couldnt breathe.
The Chinese guy threw noodles and strangled someone.
And finally the russian man threw a bomb and at the same time a boy oppsite where the bomb fell farted and the next door house blew up.

 

[RizZaHReCToR]

i would love to tell u guys a joke about two priests captured by native islanders, but Shadow and Cave revoked my joke telling priveleges.

 

[DM Caveman]

There's a joke i heard.

There where Four men on a plane and they were carrying diffrent foods to match there religion so The Four men where. 1. a Russian man , 2. Chinese guy, 3.Scots man and number 4. Hawaiian guy, so they took off and then the pilot said there was too much cargo on board and they had to chuck stuff off so they started throwing things off.

The Hawaiian guy threw a fire stick which fell and got stuck in someone's eye.
Scottish Guy threw haggis and got stuck down someone's body and they couldnt breathe.
The Chinese guy threw noodles and strangled someone.
And finally the russian man threw a bomb and at the same time a boy oppsite where the bomb fell farted and the next door house blew up.

:screwy::thumbdown::doh::blink:

 

[DM JackBauer]

:screwy::thumbdown::doh::blink:

:..(...

 

[DM Lordlander]

heres one.
OK so theres this girl at sunday school, and she falls asleep. the teacher asks her a question and a little boy pokes her with a pencil, and she says: ''jesus christ!!'' the teacher says correct and she falls back asleep. the teacher asks her another question and the little boy pokes her again. she then says ''god almighty!!'' the teacher says correct, and she falls asleep. the teacher then asked her ''what did eve say after the 35th baby??'' and then the little boy pokes her again. she then says '' IF YOU POKE THAT THING AT ME ONE MORE TIME, IM GONNA SNAP IT IN HALF!!!

 

[DM xFantin]

Baseball is wrong. Man with four balls cannot walk

 

[DM xFantin]

Funny

One weekend, the husband is in the bathroom shaving when the kid he hired to mow his lawn, a local kid named Bubba, comes in to pee. The husband slyly looks over and is shocked at how immensely endowed Bubba is. He can't help himself, and asks Bubba what his secret is.
"Well," says Bubba, "every night before I climb into bed with a girl, I whack my penis on the bedpost three times. It works, and it sure impresses the girls!" The husband was excited at this easy suggestion and decided to try it that very night. So before climbing into bed with his wife, he took out his penis and whacked it three times on the bedpost. His wife, half-asleep, said, "Bubba? Is that you?"

 

[DM Lordlander]

Lmfao!!!

 

[DM Metalhead]

lol just heard this kinda funny blond joke and couldnt stop crackn up

a group of rednecks are chasing a blond, brunet and red head.they chase them into an alley where they see 3 potatoe sacks.they each dive behind 1. the rednecks kick the 1st one and the brunet goes "meow moew" so they think its a cat. they kick the second 1 and the red head goes "bark bark" so they think its a dog.as the rednecks near the last potatoe sack the blond panics and as the rednecks kick it she goes "PoTaToE PoTaToE"

 

[DM Razor_Bladez]

Heres a Funny one...

A man walks into a bar all sad looking sits at the bar calls the bartender and asks for a beer... the bartender looks at him andd asks y so blue??? the guy says he lost a bet with his wife and cant talk to her for a month. the bartender asked well wuts wrong with that? the man gos well, the month is up tonight..:dance9bh:

 

[DM Razor_Bladez]

These guys go to a resturant and there sitting there and see spoons sticking out of there pockets and the guys ask y do u all have spoons sticking out of ur pockets?the waitor said well so if we drop a spoon instead of running to go get a new one it saves time to have one with u .. the guys understands so they get there food and the guy drops his spoon so the same waitor comes and gives him that spoon from his pocket. so they get done eating and the guy notices a string sticking out of the waitors pants and asks y do u waitors have those strings.. the waitor replies well our manager says we r spending to much time in the bathroom so the string wips it out for us so we dont have to get our hands dirty.. the guy says ok thats all well and good but how do u put it back in??? the waitor gets quiet and says well dont tell anyone but i just use the spoon..

 

[Velatorix]

The National Poetry Contest came down to two finalists. One was a Yale graduate from an upper crust family, and the other was a redneck from Alabama. The final contest was for them to make a poem in 2 minutes containing a word that would be given to them by the judges. The word was “TIMBUKTU”.

When the clock started for the Yale graduate he sat in deep silence till about halfway through his time when he jumped up and said:

Slowly across the desert sand,
Trekked a lonely caravan.
Men on camels two by two,
Destination Timbuktu.

The audience went wild. They thought the redneck would never stand a chance against him-a YALE graduate.

When it came to the redneck's turn, he sat deep in thought until he was down to the last few seconds when he suddenly jumped up and said:

Me and Tim a hunting went,
Met three whores in a pop-up tent.
They were three and we were two,
So I bucked one and Timbuktu.

The redneck won hands down.